Dealing with women
In this article I want to point out how your patterns with dealing with women are created, and what you need to do to change it. I will do this by telling you my own story. You might relate to it. But in case your story is very different, try to see what your pattern is. How you created your map to deal with women and what does and doesn't work for you.
The first woman I encountered was my mom. While my dad was absent, sometimes physically present but never emotionally, my mom was like a goddess. She could make me and brake me.
My experience with her designed the map I used for dealing with women. They were the ones who could make me happy, or make me feel so bad that I didn’t see any way to stay alive and make it one my own. I’d learned that I needed to keep the women I loved happy all the time, so I became a pleaser. A mr. Nice Guy if you will. This is what a young boy with an absent father and a dominant mother will do, simply because keeping his mother in the loop will help him survive.
If you disappoint her and she turns away, or make her angry, she might abandon you. This is what a young child thinks like, they don’t have the tools (brains) yet to make nuances. And being abandoned as a child means death.
So, when I fell in love for the first time, I felt like I would die if I wouldn’t get this girl. Of course, I didn’t get her and kept repeating the same recipe for a while. Until I was left by another woman I loved and decided I’d rather go through the pain than stay in the same pattern for any longer. Instead of getting drunk and telling myself the same old stories, I sat down on a cushion and started meditating. After a while I felt and enormous pain in my lower belly and almost felt like vomiting. I cried than like a little baby and felt like a little baby being left by my mom. I felt like I died that night.
And then, all of a sudden, I felt transformed. I was taken to a place of consciousness from where I was watching the world through the eyes of my ego. I could see my thoughts and emotion and felt completely liberated from them. The pain of the broken relationship actually brought me to a deeper layer of my true self. And made me free from this exhausting and depressing pattern. As my meditation teacher said later, desperation can be a powerful tool for transformation.
Later on I learned that women actually don’t like pleasers. A beautiful woman has enough of those around her, it is much more interesting to see a man that she can’t tame. A man with his own will. The lone wolf type. Maybe no you understand why some pretty girls like a**holes so much. The can’t be tamed and that makes them interesting.
To illustrate this: I was working as a volunteer at a festival some time, and our team leader was a long legged, blond girl with cup double D or something bigger I suppose. She was hot and she knew it. I had learned e few things and wasn’t willing to just play nice. So, while she was bossing people around and all the guys seemed to put up with it, I actually got mad at her a few times publically, because in my opinion she was really crossing boundaries. Apparently, having someone who didn’t lay down and surrender to het bossiness was interesting to her cause at some point she walked up to me and whispered in my ear: “You know, you make me very horny when you are angry at me.” Interesting isn't it? :-) Though it all stayed platonic, I met someone else and I think she was also seeing someone else, we got along very well after that. It proved to me that women respect me more when I listen to my guts and not play nice all the time. And the other woman I met is know my girl and the mother of my child, first relationship I ever had that lasted longer than thee months.
So, I’m not saying you need to be a jerk, I’m saying, if you want to be happy, you need to be able to set boundaries, be angry if necessary and have your own goals. Being a mr. Nice Guy won’t get you what you want, and the world actually wants you to be a wolf every once in a while. Anger is like a tiger inside you, if you can tame it, it will work for you. If you ignore it you will lose energy and might get depressed. Learn to ride your tiger. If necessary, find a good therapist.
The first woman I encountered was my mom. While my dad was absent, sometimes physically present but never emotionally, my mom was like a goddess. She could make me and brake me.
My experience with her designed the map I used for dealing with women. They were the ones who could make me happy, or make me feel so bad that I didn’t see any way to stay alive and make it one my own. I’d learned that I needed to keep the women I loved happy all the time, so I became a pleaser. A mr. Nice Guy if you will. This is what a young boy with an absent father and a dominant mother will do, simply because keeping his mother in the loop will help him survive.
If you disappoint her and she turns away, or make her angry, she might abandon you. This is what a young child thinks like, they don’t have the tools (brains) yet to make nuances. And being abandoned as a child means death.
So, when I fell in love for the first time, I felt like I would die if I wouldn’t get this girl. Of course, I didn’t get her and kept repeating the same recipe for a while. Until I was left by another woman I loved and decided I’d rather go through the pain than stay in the same pattern for any longer. Instead of getting drunk and telling myself the same old stories, I sat down on a cushion and started meditating. After a while I felt and enormous pain in my lower belly and almost felt like vomiting. I cried than like a little baby and felt like a little baby being left by my mom. I felt like I died that night.
And then, all of a sudden, I felt transformed. I was taken to a place of consciousness from where I was watching the world through the eyes of my ego. I could see my thoughts and emotion and felt completely liberated from them. The pain of the broken relationship actually brought me to a deeper layer of my true self. And made me free from this exhausting and depressing pattern. As my meditation teacher said later, desperation can be a powerful tool for transformation.
Later on I learned that women actually don’t like pleasers. A beautiful woman has enough of those around her, it is much more interesting to see a man that she can’t tame. A man with his own will. The lone wolf type. Maybe no you understand why some pretty girls like a**holes so much. The can’t be tamed and that makes them interesting.
To illustrate this: I was working as a volunteer at a festival some time, and our team leader was a long legged, blond girl with cup double D or something bigger I suppose. She was hot and she knew it. I had learned e few things and wasn’t willing to just play nice. So, while she was bossing people around and all the guys seemed to put up with it, I actually got mad at her a few times publically, because in my opinion she was really crossing boundaries. Apparently, having someone who didn’t lay down and surrender to het bossiness was interesting to her cause at some point she walked up to me and whispered in my ear: “You know, you make me very horny when you are angry at me.” Interesting isn't it? :-) Though it all stayed platonic, I met someone else and I think she was also seeing someone else, we got along very well after that. It proved to me that women respect me more when I listen to my guts and not play nice all the time. And the other woman I met is know my girl and the mother of my child, first relationship I ever had that lasted longer than thee months.
So, I’m not saying you need to be a jerk, I’m saying, if you want to be happy, you need to be able to set boundaries, be angry if necessary and have your own goals. Being a mr. Nice Guy won’t get you what you want, and the world actually wants you to be a wolf every once in a while. Anger is like a tiger inside you, if you can tame it, it will work for you. If you ignore it you will lose energy and might get depressed. Learn to ride your tiger. If necessary, find a good therapist.